Greentext · 4 minThe Red Tip

>be me, 9 years

>1995, a railway colony in secunderabad

>outside our school gate there is a man with a push cart

>everybody calls him gate uncle

>he has everything

>parle-g small pack, one rupee

>poppins in all colours, the roll you twist open

>big fun bubblegum with a cricket card inside

>imli candy, jeeragoli, orange mittai in a glass jar

>and phantom

>phantom is a small box of sweet cigarettes

>white sticks with a red tip

>the red tip is the whole point

>you hold it between two fingers

>you blow out, even though nothing comes out

>in december mornings, with the fog, it looks real

>me and my best friend bablu

>every evening at 3:45 after the long bell

>one phantom between us, one rupee

>five sticks in the box

>we stand at the gate like heroes

>bablu does the rajinikanth flip

>he tosses the stick up and catches it in the mouth

>he misses nine out of ten

>i do the style of our maths sir

>who smokes behind the cycle stand

>one finger tapping off the ash that is not there

>we are very good at this

>one wednesday, 3:50

>i am at the gate with a stick between my fingers

>blowing out, eyes half closed, like maths sir

>a luna stops at the gate

>a grey luna with a dent in the mudguard

>pedda mama's luna

>pedda mama is amma's elder brother

>he is a hindi teacher in another school

>he never smiles

>his own sons are scared of him

>he looks at me

>he looks at my fingers

>he does not say anything

>he kicks the luna and goes

>bablu says "who is that"

>i say "my life is over"

>i walk home very slowly

>i eat the last two sticks to destroy the evidence

>when i reach, the grey luna is already parked inside our gate

>in the hall

>pedda mama on the chair

>amma standing

>nanna standing

>tatayya in his easy chair by the window

>ammamma at the kitchen door with her hand on her mouth

>"show your hands" pedda mama says

>i show

>"smell" he says to amma

>amma smells my fingers

>"sugar" she says

>"sugar" pedda mama says, like it is a crime word

>"they make it sweet so children start"

>"first sweet, then beedi, then cigarette, then cancer"

>ammamma starts crying

>i start crying because ammamma is crying

>nanna says "where did you get it"

>"gate uncle" i say

>"one rupee"

>"show"

>i have one empty box in my pocket

>i give it

>pedda mama holds it up like a court exhibit

>everybody is talking at the same time

>then tatayya says "give it here"

>nobody hears

>he says it again, louder

>"give it here"

>the hall goes quiet

>tatayya smoked beedi for forty years

>he stopped eleven years ago when the doctor at nims shouted at him

>amma says he was impossible for one full year after that

>he takes the box

>he opens it, empty

>he smells it

>"do you have more" he asks me

>i shake my head

>"tomorrow, buy two" he says

>pedda mama says "nanna!"

>pedda mama is his son, i forgot to say

>"it is sugar, ramu" tatayya says

>"you said it yourself, sugar"

>"one for him, one for me"

>he takes a two rupee note from his shirt pocket

>gives it to me in front of everybody

>pedda mama gets up and goes out to his luna

>he did not come for two sundays

>next day i bought two phantoms

>tatayya sat on the verandah at six in the evening

>where he used to sit with his beedi

>he took one white stick

>held it between two fingers, the old way

>looked at the road

>blew out

>nothing came out

>he closed his eyes

>"eleven years" he said

>after that, every evening

>one phantom for me, one phantom for tatayya

>gate uncle started keeping two aside

>"for the old man" he would say

>bablu was jealous, his tatayya did not do things like this

>tatayya never ate the sticks

>he only held them

>and blew

>when the stick went soft in his fingers he gave it to me

>i ate tatayya's phantoms for three years

>they tasted a little of his fingers

>of vibhuti and newspaper

>phantom does not come anymore

>last year in a shop in begum bazaar i found something like it

>white sticks, red tips

>i bought one box

>i have not opened it